More Annoying Rants

I've blogged a bit about the "Utah Mormon" culture that seems to see the world through these rose colored Mormon glasses that make everything look hunky dory, as long as you claim "personal revelation". Like I've said in the past, don't get me wrong, I am a strong believer and supporter of personal revelation; I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father answers prayers and gives answers to those who righteously seek them; however, I see so many people using it as a defense instead of actually using it as intended. Let me explain. I was married at 19. I was engaged at 18. I KNOW that was young, and it was something I prayed about and got revelation about, HOWEVER--I was not going to jump into anything just because I'd been given a green light from the Lord. I took time to be sure that this was the answer I had gotten, and more importantly, I took time to make sure I was asking the correct question. It was not "should I marry David?" with an expected yes or no. It was "I've really thought about being with David for eternity and I feel that we would be a good match. Do you agree?" When I received confirmation of that I took the time to make sure of it. I asked over again because I didn't think it would be a bad idea to be SURE of that answer since this was THE most important decision of my life. After I was sure that Heavenly Father approved of the union I went back into my own mind and made sure it was what I really wanted. I used the mind my Heavenly Father gave me to logically consider all the options, all the pros and cons, the risks and rewards. I thought about my desires for life, my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations, and I thought about how a marriage to David would affect these. I considered what life would be like depending on where and when and IF...I considered the alternatives and how they would affect my life. I thought about factors that would make things more difficult and/or cause more antagonism from friends and family, like my age, and ways that I could get over them. Because of my young age, I had to look at our relationship from an outside perspective, find ways to counteract the apprehension that came from the age issue. The age thing bugged me a little, too. I didn't want to get married right out of high school; it was important to me to have some college behind me. That's the main reason our engagement was so long. In retrospect, I hated waiting so long. I do not recommend it to anyone; however I would hardly recommend a minuscule engagement either. While 15 months is way too long, 3 is way too short in my opinion. Adequate time should be given to get to know someone and to prepare for a wedding and marriage; finances should be taken into account; more should go into planning a wedding date/marriage then just not wanting to wait.

Then there is the flip side. You find people who meet someone, decide within a few hours that they are going to marry them and then two days later when someone asks "Did you pray about it?" they say yes and this is supposed to appease everyone. When people (like me) question that (in Utah, anyway), it's practically blasphemy. You might as well have claimed to be Jesus Christ himself the way people act towards you. Do I doubt that a prayer has been said? Not at all. My apprehension comes because I fear that maybe people are too involved in a relationship to recognize a true answer. This crossed my mind a lot when I was looking for my own personal revelation and that's one of the reasons I asked many many many times and did everything I could to make sure I had really gotten the answer I had gotten. When someone meets someone, prays once, and "gets an answer" I wonder how serious the prayer was. On top of that, I fear about whether the correct question was asked. If the wrong question is asked, how can one expect the "right" answer? When people make mad dashes to the altar and then play the personal revelation card when other people express concern, it should raise red flags. Personal revelation is something that should come after a decision has been carefully thought out; something that confirms what our own logical minds conclude on their own or refutes it and forces us to rethink from a new perspective. When people express concern about a decision we have made, we should be able to logically explain our decision without going immediately to the "personal revelation" response hoping that that will make everyone shut up. This only says (to me at least) that the decision has NOT been carefully thought through, thus the desire to "shut everyone up".

I have some other thoughts about similar items but they will have to wait for another day. Thanks for taking the time to read my rantings.