Reverence and Extremes

Yesterday’s theme in Sacrament Meeting (Sunday morning LDS worship services) was reverence. There were three women who spoke, and the first two were your standard, “reverence is important” talks; the kind of talks you listen to and think “yes, this is a good reminder about reverence.” The third talk, however, bothered me and is the cause of this blog entry. To be fair, I probably would have completely let my annoyance slide (this is not the first time I’ve heard a talk like this), but then I saw a comment from a neighbor on Facebook about it and it reminded me how much I really disliked that talk and made me want to blog about it. The comment was basically how awesome the talks were, especially the last one. One of the comments from a fellow ward member actually used the words “truly inspired” to describe this third talk. This really bothered me. I apologize to my non-LDS readers in advance. I will be using quite a bit of LDS terminology and I don’t really want to have to explain it all as I go, so if you don’t understand anything, please feel free to ask me later.

I’m a firm believer that reverence is key to having the spirit present in any situation. In order to have the spirit in our homes, our meetings, and our lives in general, we have to be able to find time to step back, calm down, and invite the spirit to be present. This does not mean that we are not allowed to have fun or be loud. I’ve found this to be a common misconception about the church by non-members. There is nothing wrong with dancing, laughing, lively conversation, etc. All I’m trying to say is that there is a time and place for everything. You wouldn’t yell a greeting to your friend across the room during a funeral, would you? Exactly.

Reverence in the home and reverence in church are the two main examples that come up all the time. I think sometimes, especially among members of the church, people combine the two and think that the rules that govern what is reverent in church are the same rules that govern what is reverent in the home. While this is true up to a certain extent, it can lead to extremes, which is where my annoyance at this woman’s talk comes into play. Many things that are perfectly normal in one’s home, for example, watching TV, walking around in pajamas, having a lively conversation, or talking on a cell phone, are considered inappropriate for church. The reason that these things are not appropriate for church is because they would detract from the spirit of worship at the meeting. In essence, one of the ways we invite the spirit to Sunday meetings is by dressing nicely and sitting quietly. However, I don’t believe that these same activities have the same result when done in the home. On the contrary, I think they could even invite the spirit into my home. If I talk to my dad on my cell phone at church, I would probably be a distraction to those around me and would be taking away from the spirit of worship; however, I could have the exact same conversation at home and it would invite the spirit because I would be taking the time to increase communication with my father, I would be showing love and understanding, and a host of other very good things. Obviously if I’m screaming at him, this example wouldn’t work, but I think you get where I’m coming from with this.

The one extreme that is easy to land in and accuse others of is the extreme of media. Too often today I am hearing comments from members of the church regarding the internet, radio, magazines, iPods, cell phones, and especially television. Everyone is quick to point out how all of this “latest technology” is harmful to today’s society, especially how it is breaking up families. How many times are we seeing “studies” about how much time teens spend on the internet or listening to their iPods or texting on their cell phones? Now don’t misunderstand, I am not in any way suggesting that there isn’t a host of terrible things out there that children, teens, and even adults are dealing with through the media. I am sure there are families that are spending more time listening to their music than each other. There are families who are struggling to stay together because a child or parent is struggling with a pornography addiction or something of the like. There are families who have kids who never put their cell phones down. I am the first to admit that there is a ton of horrible things that are readily available through the media and that the use of media is taking up a lot of everyone’s time. However, I think it is ignorant to believe that anyone who uses media is somehow trapped in this web of evil-ness.

This brings me to the infamous “talk number three.” The woman started by talking about a study she read where children and teens spend over ten hours a day using multimedia, which includes cell phones, iPods, television, and internet. She went on to talk about how excessive that was and how the kids of today are sucked into this world where media is life. She insinuated that anytime a child was using any of these resources they were simply wasting their time, filling their mind with senseless garbage when they could be spending time with their families or other more gospel-oriented activities. She brought up the “evils” of the media I was mentioning earlier and jumped to the standard conclusion that all the problems in the world today are caused by media and everyone’s addictions to it. Then, in order to make her point about reverence, spoke for the next ten minutes about how the only way we can truly have the spirit in our homes is to cut the media out of our lives completely. She used the phrase “Turn It Off,” and even referred to a children’s book in her home with that title. To give her the benefit of the doubt, she may have just poorly worded her thoughts, but the message that came across to me was that media was bad and that if I wanted to be righteous, I needed to stop watching TV and using the internet. While she may have wanted to give a message about spending more time with family, turning our focus to things of eternal importance, and/or being more selective in our media choices, the message I heard was this one extreme is bad, but the other extreme is the ultimate in righteousness.

I disagree on all counts. As I mentioned before, there is a lot of crap in the media today, that’s a given, but there is also lots of really great stuff. The church itself has lots of music, movies, podcasts, internet sites; it even has it’s own TV channel. There is also a ton of really wonderful non-LDS entertainment. Most of the media I consume is not connected to the church at all. This is what bothers me about that media studies. This woman was quick to point fingers at children and teens for all the media they were consuming, but how does anyone know what kind of media they were consuming? I have almost a thousand songs on my iPod, and I can’t think of a single one that I would consider to be inappropriate music. It’s not all church music by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s the kind of music I could listen to in front of my parents without feeling embarrassed by the theme or lyrics. I DVR several shows a week that I follow. Most of them are just “fluff” shows, but they are entertaining. If I was neglecting my duties as a wife and mother just because I didn’t want to miss whatever show, then that would be a problem, but this is not the case. In fact, with my DVR set up the way I have it, I rarely watch live TV at all, which means any TV I do watch I’m watching at a time when other things are not pressing for my attention. I also spend about 30 hours a week on my computer, but I work from my computer. I have lots of time to blog, e-mail, Facebook, but it is fairly rare for me to be on my computer when I’m not working. I wonder if that media usage study determined how much time kids and teens used the internet for homework. Did it notice if they were watching “The Simpsons” or “Jeopardy”? Did it mention if any of that media consumption was done with a family member? David and I have several shows we watch together and we always end up having interesting conversations and discussions together afterwards. Does that make us horrid sinners? I don’t think so.

On the flip side, I don’t think the only way to be obedient and righteous is to shut out the world by getting rid of the media. I happen to prefer television as my relaxation method of choice. I believe if watching an hour of TV calms me enough to not be screaming or complaining to my family, I’m doing more to invite the spirit than I would be by “turning it off.” If David and I cut off phone and internet usage, our relationships with family and friends would suffer, especially with those who don’t live close by. We would also be doing a disservice to my family as both David and I use these forms of media to work and make money to pay bills and provide for our son.

I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that extremes on both sides are not good. It’s not healthy or productive to spend every waking minute obsessed with media outlets. However, the other extreme of not having any media, especially the extreme of no TV, isn’t good either. We, of course, need to make time to read, especially our scriptures, talk to those in our home, clean, cook, play outside, walk the dog, whatever. At least in Utah, no TV would mean not being able to watch General Conference. Cutting media out completely is not the answer, the answer is being more choosy about what we spend time using our media for. Moderation in ALL things, including out media usage. There is nothing in church doctrine about TVs or computers being evil. On the contrary, the church encourages its members to embrace the incredible technology around us; it just warns about the dangers of choosing to watch, listen to, or involve ourselves in inappropriate media.

Why can’t someone teach THAT from the pulpit?