Yep...Again.

Yesterday was not the day I was hoping for. To be honest, I can't say I was surprised, but it was still difficult. We were hoping to go public soon and announce that our family was growing, but alas, the Lord has other plans. I officially miscarried at 6 weeks, although I didn't find out officially until yesterday (8 weeks). The reason I wasn't surprised it because I knew it was a very strong possibility, but I was just hoping that it wouldn't be the case. I am sad, but compared to the last time, I feel much more at peace. It isn't as traumatizing to me, even though it still hurts just as much. I think I'm more patient this time, too. Last time, all the comments from people who had no idea what to say were just making everything worse, but this time I can feel their good intentions more easily. It helps that I can feel more loved instead of just being angry.

In the end, I know that this was the Lord's plan. I feel calm because I know that His plan is superior to mine and if this isn't the right time for another child to join our family, then it isn't time. The time will come, of that I feel assured. Having Nate around reminds me that the Lord knows what He is doing and that if I can trust Him then I will find happiness. I find myself appreciating Nathan so much more recently. I just look at him and almost cry because I love him so much and I'm so proud of him. I can't wait for him to have brothers and sisters to play with! He's getting ready for nursery and I'm so excited to see him have the opportunity to be around other kids his age. I think the interaction will be so good for him - I think it will help a lot for him to learn more about sharing and patience. I always say he amazes me all the time with what he's learning - and it's so true. I love being able to share his accomplishments with my family and close friends, also, because I know they are as proud as I am. I love knowing my little boy has the best aunts, uncles, grandparents, and great-grandparents anyone could ask for! Ah, I'm starting to sound like such a mush....I guess losing this baby has just really helped me focus on what's most important to me. I feel so lucky to have the family I have - they make me smile every day, even when it's really hard to.

In other news, my sister is moving closer!! She was accepted into this amazing grad school program at the University of Montana and will be studying there starting in August. Missoula is only 8 hours away and I am beyond stoked!! David and I are already planning a visit. I'm so excited to have someone from my side of the family living so close...even if it's only temporary. I love my sister!!